Nice Guys Finish Last - Got that?
by Lil Miss Giggles
Summary: No more Mr. Nice Spike.
1. Nice Guys Finish Last - Got That? 1

Nice Guys Finish Last - Got that?  
  
I don't own any of these characters..blaa blaa blaa yada yada etc etc etc.  
If you like, you can take, but ask first.  
Flames are welcome, but be original.  
  
  
Cordelia sat at her desk. It was late. It was dark. But with a boss like Angel, she couldn't exactly work normal hours. The phone rang,  
"Angel's Investigations - helpers of the helpless, how may I help you?"  
It was Buffy,  
"Cordy, you sound like a jingle off some stupid detergent ad."  
"Well * you * try to sound cheerful at an hour like this!…you wanted something?"  
"Not from you. It Wesley there?"  
"No, he's out demon hunting with Angel…and what do you mean "Not from you"?!"  
But by the time she'd finished her retaliation, the petite blonde had hung up. The worn out secretary sat back in her chair, wishing a miracle would happen and she'd finally get a job as an actress. Wishful thinking. She sorted through the files on her desk,  
"Past case…current case…past case…current case…"  
"…mental case?"  
Cordelia jumped 6ft in the air. She looked up, a man was standing in the shadows. English accent.  
"Giles?"  
He laughed,  
"No."  
"Errrrr…..Ethan?"  
"Guess again, Pet."  
"Pet?! I'm not your….Spike?!"  
The peroxide blonde emerged from the shadows,  
"Took you long enough."  
"What do * you * want?!"  
"I have a little……problem, that needs sorting out."  
"Take it up with Angel…not that he'd help you anyway."  
"Um, no. Angel can't know."  
"Why not?"  
"It's…um…embarrassing."  
"You?! Spike?! Embarrassed?! That's a new one!"  
"Will you keep it down! I don't want ..* ahem * people to know I'm here."  
"Oh, right. I don't see how I can help though."  
"I'm a demon hunter."  
"Huh? William the Bloody, affectionately known as Spike for his fondness of torturing his victims with railroad spikes is a * demon-hunter *?!"  
Spike grinned at Cordy's little outburst,  
"Well, I see someone's been doing their homework."  
Cordy sighed,  
"I've had a lot of time to catch up with my reading."  
Spike was about to reply with a smart-arse answer, when Wesley walked in, followed by Angel. Angel was somewhere in between stunned and suspicious,  
"Spike? Why are you here?"  
The younger vampire blushed. Angel made a good guess, that whatever it was, it must be incredibly bad to make * Spike * of all demons blush. Spike regained his composure and looked his sire right in the eye,  
"None of your bee's wax."  
"Spike's a demon hunter." Cordelia cheerfully supplied, then she saw Spike glaring at her, "What?! I was only trying to help!"  
Angel tried to hide his smile as Spike turned on him,  
"It's not funny!"  
Wesley chuckled, "Actually it is, Spike. Sorry."  
Spike turned his back to them and began to storm out of the door,  
"I come to ask for help and you * laugh * at me! You can get screwed for all I care!"  
Angel caught Spike by the back of his jacket,  
"Oh give over Spike…you said you needed help?"  
"Yes I * did *!"  
Angel tried to look businesslike whilst stifling a laugh,  
"So, what seems to be the problem?"  
Spike saw the glint in his sire's eyes and blew his top,  
"That's * it *!! No more Mr Nice Spike. I'm bad again! Got that? * BAD *! B.A.D.  
* BAD *."  
Spike pulled his jacket out of Angel's grip and stamped out of the office, and all the way down the stairs.  
  
He drove all the way back to Sunnydale, singing songs by The Sex Pistols at the top of his voice. He pulled up outside the graveyard and shouted as loud as he possibly could,  
"FUCK THE SLAYER!! I DON'T CARE! I'M * BAD * GOT THAT * BAD *! NO MORE DEMON HUNTING! SPIKE'S BACK, AND I'M BLOODY WELL GOING TO ENJOY MYSELF!!"   
There was a cheer behind him, vamps and a whole load of other demons had gathered behind ready to strike, but they'd heard his speech and decided against it. For obvious reasons. Spike snarled and went to find something to fill his exceedingly empty stomach.  
On his way to the Bronze, he bumped into a guy from the Initiative.  
"Hostile 17!"  
" G I Joe!"  
Spike swung him arm around, on the other end of it was a steel pipe. The soldier fell, then pulled himself back on his feet, grabbing Spike's ankles and pulling him over. Spike jumped as the soldier shot him with his stun gun. The vampire shook his head, slightly immune to the shock after the first 15 times, he stood up, but the soldier was already running round the corner.  
Knowing that "Hostile 17" was right behind him, "G I Joe" quickened his pace, the adrenaline pumping round his body, spurring him forward. Knowing that his lunch was right infront of him, Spike took a short cut. He ran up the front of the nearest car, and jumping off the roof, plummeted towards the ground taking his prey with him. In a few seconds it was all over. Spike left the drained corpse in the road and went in search of another.  



	2. Nice Guys Finish Last - Got That? 2

Nice Guys Finish Last - Got That? Part 2.  
  
  
I don't own any of the original characters from BtVs etc etc etc  
Like it, take it, ask first.  
  
  
"Don't these people recognise a vampire bite when they see one?"  
Anya stared in disbelief at the news guy on the TV. "They get 10 vamp victims in one night. All died of the same causes and they can't figure out what did it?! It ridiculous!"  
Buffy sat down next to the ex-demoness,  
"It is pretty unbelievable."  
Willow came in from the kitchen with a cup of hot cocoa,  
"Vamps have been around for centuries, why can't they see the obvious?"  
There was a tap at the door and something was pushed under it. Giles opened it and looked out at the road to see someone running as fast as they could away from the house. He picked up the envelope that had appeared on his mat.  
The Slayer took it and read the contents,  
  
DeEr Slaeyer,  
  
NeEd 2 worn u bOwt Spyk.  
Spyk's bAd.   
Afta blud.  
  
"Huh?"  
She handed the letter to Giles.  
"Can you translate?"  
Giles returned his glasses to their rightful place on his nose,  
"Ah, Dear Slayer. Need to warn you about …. Spike. Spike's bad. Um, After blood. Hmm, I take it he got bored of demon hunting?"  
Buffy was pissed off,  
"He's after blood? I'll give him blood!"  
She grabbed Mr. Pointy and headed for Spike's crypt.  
  
  
Spike was at "Willy's Place". At last he could have a civilised drink without the local thugs breaking his nose. He stood up to leave, when a young vampire was dragged into the bar and made to kneel infront of him. The draggers addressed Spike as their leader,  
"We caught this kid shoving a note through the Ripper's door…sir…he snitched."  
Spike was thrown,  
"Sir?"  
The thugs nodded and Spike gave in,  
"Oh alright if you insist, what did he do?"  
"He's told the Slayer you be bad again….sir."  
Spike shrugged nonchalantly,  
"This is me caring."  
The thugs seemed slightly put out, the kid, relieved.  
"B..but what shall we do with him?"  
Spike looked at the young vampire, who was now struggling to get to his feet,  
"Whatever you want, it's a free country….and I need to find a new home. Willy got any ideas?"  
The only human in the joint looked up from pouring a pint for the parasitic demon infront of him,  
"Um…there's a flat vacant over by Johnny's digs. You might wanna check it out."  
Spike mused over the bar tender's choice of words,  
"Vacant? That's a complex word Will, didn't think your vocab stretched further than please, don't, hurt and me!"  
The human shrugged,  
"Yeah, well, I'm full of surprises."  
Moments after Spike left - the back way - a frustrated Slayer entered.  
"Where's Spike!"  
Willy looked at her in mock confusion,  
"He's not been in here since you converted him you a demon hunter….he's not allowed. He broke the codes."  
Buffy waved her fist under his nose,  
"What do I have to do to persuade you to comply?"  
"Ask nicely?"  
"I'm * through * with asking nicely!" She punched him, breaking his nose for the 4th time that year, "Tell me!"  
"Um…sorry I can't."  
He indicated the growing number of demons gathering behind her, she smiled,  
"At * last * I get a decent workout!"  
  
  
"How much rent?"  
"None for you …sir."  
"What? Why?"  
Again, Spike sensed inferiority vibes coming from the demonic landlord.   
"Fine, if that's the way you want it, no rent."  
"Thankyou, sir."  
"Will you cut it out with the sir!"  
"Yes..si…um…Spike.."  
Spike entered his newfound home.  
  
Nice…nicer than the crypt anyway.  
  
  
Buffy emerged from the bar slightly bruised, but none the worse for it. She hadn't gotten what she wanted from Willy, she'd have to try when he had less customers. For now, she'd just have to try the old fashioned method of looking. She scoured the graveyard, looking for the tiniest suggestion that Spike had been there, but it was useless. It was then she came across a young vamp, hiding behind the Angel monument.  
"Badspikebadbadbadbadbadspike.Badvampirebadnogoodnonononono.hurt…pain. BadbadbadbadSpike."  
Buffy crouched beside him,  
"You know where Spike is?"  
The vamp looked at her helplessly,  
"Nonononononononono."  
"Oh. Right. I get the point."  
She went to leave but stopped when the vamp grabbed her leg and pointed in the direction of the flats on the corner. He Slayer patted the vamp on the head before dusting him.   
"That was hardly fair, guy didn't even get a warning."  
She turned, and looked up, Spike was sitting in a tree admiring the view.  
"Looking for me, Slayer?"  
"Don't flatter your self," she retorted, but then admitted, "Yeah I am. Gonna come down or do I have to come up and get you?"  
Spike leaped out of the tree, landing gracefully on his feet,  
"Wouldn't give you the satisfaction."  
Buffy whipped Mr. Pointy from up her sleeve,  
"Shall we?"  
"Oh, if you insist."  
Game-face on, Spike lunged at her, knocking her off balance. Before she could get up he'd knocked her out cold. He picked her up in a fireman's lift and carried her to Giles' front step, where he left her to be found by the Scooby Gang.  
  
  
When Buffy came round, she was lying on Giles' sofa with a bandage round her hand.  
"You've broken your finger."  
She looked round, it was Anya.  
"How'd I manage that?"  
"Don't know, you must have fallen. Do you remember?"  
"No….* yes *!! That bastard knocked me out!!"  
"I take it we're talking about Spike."  
Buffy sighed,  
"Yeah…and my head hurts."  
"Y'know that's * so * not like you…"  
"Huh?"  
"He beat you. The tables turned. Spike's * bad *."  
Buffy glared at the ceiling, this was the first time Spike had got anywhere near hurting her since…..since…. a * long * time.  
  
  
"Spike? Someone you see you."  
"Who is it?"  
"Some human."  
"Tell 'im to bugger off."  
Spike listened as he heard Johnny's muffled voice talk to "some human". Then he heard him coming back.  
"He said to tell you he's dressed as G I Joe."  
"Bollocks."  
"Shall I tell him to bugger off again?"  
"Um…you could try…."  
When Spike was satisfied that Johnny was talking to G I Joe, he bolted. He literally jumped out of the window, which could have caused him serious damage had there not been a fire escape.  
He reached the floor and ran headlong into a whole load more of "G I Joes".  
Without thinking twice, he charged into them, game face on. In the end, he came out bruised and sore, but darn proud of himself, and very full.   



	3. Nice Guys Finish Last - Got That? 3

Nice Guys Finish Last - Got That? 3  
  
No disclaimer - can't be arsed. I f you * really * want one, make it up yourself.  
  
  
The TV blared as Anya read that morning's newspaper.  
"11 more deaths last night." She called, "7 of them dressed as G I Joe."  
Xander came in with a can of Sprite,  
"I.e. they're from the Initiative."  
"Yup."  
Buffy sat in an armchair, nursing her broken finger. She was sulking,  
"How did he do it? Am I losing my touch? Y'know I think I'm losing my touch."  
On seeing that no one was listening to her, Buffy began to pout. Xander piped up,  
"If you ask me, it's all Dead-boy's fault. If he hadn't laughed at Spike little problem, the bastard wouldn't have turned bad."  
Giles shook his head,  
"No, Spike would have found something else to lose his temper over, without Angel's help."  
Willow came in with a thick dusty volume in her arms,  
"We need a protection spell. No more Spike indoors."  
Buffy nodded,  
"He needs to be house trained."  
  
  
Spike sauntered into Willy's Place with a very smug look on his face.  
"Having yer usual Spike?"  
"No thanks, I'm full. Stuffed."  
"You looking very satisfied."  
"Mmm-hmm."  
Several of Spike's new found thugs pushed their way into the bar, ready to praise their leader for his triumph over the Initiative…so far. Spike basked in the jubilations of his minions and ordered a vodka from Willy. Just for the sake of celebrating.  
As the crowd cleared, Harmony could be heard calling for Spike. When she saw him, she threw her arms around his neck. Spike was amused,  
"So look who's crawling back after trying to stake me in my own home."  
Harmony pulled away, looking slightly embarrassed. Spike looked at her, a deliberately sexy half-smile playing on his lips,  
"S'alright, Pet. You're forgiven." Harmony smiled and went to kiss him, he stopped her, " * But *, you try to pull a stunt like that again, and you fit in an ash-tray." He laughed softly, almost making a joke of it and kissed her lightly. He would have liked to go further, and it would have, had he not been interrupted most rudely,  
"Found a new toy Spike?"  
A disappointed Spike turned to face the parasitic human, wanting to be left alone with Harmony,  
"Listen, Farm-boy, you're in my territory now. Skidaddle."  
Riley flipped his stake in the air, twirling it round his finger,  
"What's the matter Fangs? Scared of a little competition?" Riley winked at Harmony, Spike caught the hint, he didn't believe it but played along anyway. He turned on Harmony, shouting at her in mock anger. The air headed blonde did not catch on till Spike winked, even then she was slightly apprehensive. While Spike executed this charade with ease, Riley twirled the stake in his hand one more time and attempted to thrust it into Spike's unbeating heart. Needless to say it didn't work. Before the human could get anywhere near him, Spike's thugs had grabbed him from behind and proceeded to put a foot in wherever possible. Spike sighed inwardly,  
"Oh leave him be." Then, stood dominantly over the soldier emotionless, "I suggest you go. Now." Riley stood stared Spike straight in the eye, and left the building, staking 3 vamps on his way as a stress reliever. The new top carnivore in Sunnydale turned to his minions,  
"If you ever see me being nice like that again, you have permission to stake me. There and then."  
Laughter rang out around him, and Spike smiled, absorbing his minions' admiration like a sponge. He let his new toy link arms with him, and left the bar, a voice sounded behind him,  
"Ladies and Gentleman, Spike has left the building!!"  



	4. Nice Guys Finish Last - Got That? 4

  
  
Nice Guys Finish Last - Got That?   
  
  
Author's Notes:  
None of these characters belong to me blaa blaa blaa  
If you like it you can take it but please ask first.  
If you're going to flame me, make it original okay?  
  
  
"William the Bloody, sir, someone to see you."  
"Don't call me that!...Who is it?"  
"A young lady ,sir , she says she's an old friend."  
"What's she looking like?"  
The doorman peered around the doorway, then returned to face his leader,  
"Dark hair, quite tall, very slim."  
"London accent?"  
"Yes."  
"Vampire?"  
"Yes, sir."  
"Drusilla?"  
Dru pushed past the vampire, angry she should have to wait so long to see "her" Spike. She looked at Spike, then at Harmony who was sitting on his knee,  
"Who's she?"  
"Dru, meet Harmony. Harmony, this is Drusilla."  
The two women glared at each other, then Harmony smiled triumphantly as Spike explained to Dru who she was,  
"She's my..um...what did you call it?"  
"Girlfriend." Harmony chirped.  
"Yeah, Harmony's my girlfriend. You have no place here." He signalled for his guards and watched with satisfaction as Dry was carted off. He had acquired his own "empire" in 2 days. Record timing. He'd also visited his 177yr old account and discovered he was a potential millionaire. This couldn't better. The doorman left the room and came back with the phone,  
"It's for you."  
"Hello?"  
The voice at the other end was harsh, it sounded like a car pulling up on a gravel path,.  
"Spike, I believe."  
"Who's asking?"  
"Dimitri."  
"The assassin?"  
"Who's asking?"  
"Very funny. You know who I am."  
"Yes. William the Bloody."  
"Quit the pleasantries, this is a business call I presume?"  
"Correct. Who is the lucky man?"  
"Woman."  
"Oh?"  
"The Slayer."  
"There is a high fee on her head."  
"How much?"  
"Depends on how she dies."  
"Payment will be discussed after she is pulse-free."  
"Fair enough."  
"I expect to get what I pay for."  
"You will."  
"I want to see the body."  
"I shall see to it."  
"No vamping."  
"Understood."  
"How soon can you do it?"  
"She will have rigor mortis within a week."  
Spike grinned maliciously, and looked at Harmony who was currently filing her nails,  
"I want a quick death, no chance of escape."  
"As you wish."  
"Within the week you say?"  
"I believe so."  
"Good. I'm afraid I can't help you though, I have less trivial matters on my hands."  
"Understood."  
"It will be done within a week then, see you then."  
"Farewell."  
"Yeah, bye."  
Hanging up, Spike sighed,  
"I'd rather do it myself. But I've more important things to do."  
He stood, and selecting a significantly sized battle-axe from the chest beside him, motioned for his guards to follow,  
"Elimination of all opposition begins."  
  
  
  
  
Dru stormed through Sunnydale, breaking the necks of several humans as she went. She could have carried on like this if she hadn't run into Buffy. Both women looked at each other for a moment, then Buffy spoke,  
"What are you doing back here?!"  
"Mind your own business."  
"This is my business, you're in *my* territory."  
"No, I'm in *Spike's* territory."  
The conversation carried on in this way until Dru grew bored and tried to walk away. She got as far as the corner, when saw Spike carrying a battle-axe, at the head of a huge pack of vampires.  
"Oh God!"  
Dru turned and ran back the way she came. No Buffy.  
  
  
  
The Slayer hurtled into Willy's Place in hot pursuit of a very tall, very muscular vampire who'd carried off one of her next-door neighbours right infront of her eyes. She looked around, the bar was empty. Willy came up from under the bar, he'd been looking for something, or so he said.  
"Where is everyone?"  
"Dunno, not many demons come in at the weekend."  
"Willy, it's Saturday! This place is always packed on Saturday!"  
"Well obviously not tonight."  
Buffy stared long at hard at the human, his hands were shaking, and his speech was rehearsed. He was being prompted. She turned to see a tall black figure, dressed entirely in black robes, with eyes that shone silver. It spoke with a voice that sounded like Spike's tomb opening ,   
"Ms. Summers, I presume?"  
"Who wants to know?!"  
"I do."  
"Yeah, I gathered that."  
"Do you ever dream of death?"  
Buffy was startled,  
"Say what?!"  
The black demon stood over her, it seemed to grow before her very eyes.  
"You heard me."  
"No, can't say that I did." She saw Willy hastily leaving from the corner of her eye, and she looked at her watch, "Oh look at the time, I really have to go."  
"Stay, we've only just met."  
Buffy felt her head heat up, she felt as if she was on a BBQ. Falling to her knees, she saw the room turn red and then everything went black.  
Dimitri nudged her with his toe,  
"Dead. Now to find Spike"  
Heaving the body up and over his shoulder, the assassin left via the back door and went in search of his current employer.  



End file.
